I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
