dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
