operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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