im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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