Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
please come you make the beer taste better
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Randomize
