i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They have beer where we have blood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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