There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
