Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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