can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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