we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
