If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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