Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
