I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
