There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
