I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
