Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
