Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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