I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
