Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
