This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
