Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
