FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
