when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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