I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
