You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am naked and annoyed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
