Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
