why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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