The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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