happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
