You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
