your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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