I think my vagina is haunted
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
