i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
