I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
