Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
