You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
