I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
