Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
