I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
