How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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