Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
