Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cannot find my penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
