I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
