I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
