She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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