I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is wine microwaveable?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
