I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
