no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
