I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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