College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
