Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
