kristin has been a bad kristin
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
