New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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