All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
