we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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